so i sit here, realizing most of the time these days, i have either the courage OR the audacity to say anything i want to. there is no filter. if anything, there is just silence.
“not a sermon,” just some ramblings from a girl that does not need as much sleep as she once thought she did.
I’m a bit ashamed to admit this, but I bought the “Transformers” soundtrack. I listen to it everyday (along with Keane); I sent away for the White Stripes new cd. I hope their new cd is as good as their first. And tell me why I can’t not stop listening to “The Way I Are” (by Timberland)?
An odd, collective group of genres; this might allude to what I’m doing these days. Today I sat down in a Starbucks (after work) and tried to write something. All that came out of my fancy, blue-ink pen was a journal entry, and then projected plans for when I plan to move to NYC next NEXT Fall or January 2009. I guess I’m low on the drama these days (sadly). CNMC is awesome in its own way. Smugmug/Photoshop is going alrighty. Class/es this Fall. Trip/s planned. Driving…MUST GET LICENSE!
With plans to photograph the C & O Canal in Georgetown this weekend with the fam, I guess this weekend is special. Maybe I can steal away tomorrow and get that tattoo I was chasing after.
With my mind’s concentration focused with 16 cc’s of choco-cherry, straight coffee on this morning’s bus ride into DC (run-on?), I figured out my career plans once and for all. Bejesus, can’t I ever get my shizzy straight on anything else, but coffee?
The issue of writing something actually pure and complex needs to be tackled once again. I suppose I will try my hand at it soon…
It is interesting how an old cd can muster up memories from long ago. In this time of certain responsibilities and productive selfishness, I honestly can say that when I listen to Collective Soul’s “Dosage”, it just reminds me of how I was and what was important then. I know I’m not a multi-tasker, so when you have my attention, you really honestly do, have my attention.
This cd reminds me of countless nights, awake over coffee, talking with good friends, solving life’s problems. Adventures were simple. And looking back, we were simple. I know what I’m trying to do here, will make yesterday be more attainable. I can feel it. And all I taste in my mouth, is a humid, summer New York City night…
Bruised, scarred knees bend.
The weight drops and I get lighter.
Must run.
The music’s beats drown mine and I sweat it away.
The wind caresses me and the sun smiles.
Must jump.
Roadblocks built by my hands,
are like run-on walls.
Must be.
The six-year old girl with the pigtails is breathless.
There’s more to do tomorrow.
It’s crazy man. I’m sitting here typing in my dining room, to a diminishing sunset with 80-some degrees warming me. 40-something degrees for Easter?!
There is too much to write about. I should honestly pick up my pen again, and just write.
I will offer this: I love how some things canNOT change.
It’s too late…
I have two laptops open in front of me. One with Matlab running and the other…well, the other is just running. The coffee cup is to my right and my betta fish swims to my left. I have analysis to do and so much reading, it’s incredible my brain hasn’t exploded after reaching its learning threshold. Motor learning and TMS is taking its toll. At least at Children’s Hospital, it’ll be more hands-on experience than NIH. How come I can’t convey what I need to say or know when it matters? I keep on thinking if this is worth it all. If I have what it takes. I’ve messed up so much, for the sake of it……This stuff better get my arse into Columbia’s N*YSPI, ’cause I can’t see myself living here for much longer.
There is too much to remember and too little to forget…
When you have sooo much to prove…
I keep on getting http://typelogic.com/infj.html.
Here’s the link for you http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp.
NIH work continues. The Doc I work with, introduced me to Snake Skin and his new single “Bite Me”. It’s a bit alterna-goth and easy to dance to. I need to get his new cd. It’s great to listen to in the background. In the foreground, there’s a lot to sort through, though.
I feel like a part of me, is wasting away here in MD. Other than my work at NIH, there’s nothing really to brag about. I’m taking care of the house, while the ‘rents are away. Perfecting scone recipes, playing with different temporary career opportunities, working on marketing myself (if that makes sense), and helping with the house. It just is more evident with each passing day, that MD/DC is not where I want to be. While this is my hometown and it is booming both financially and technologically (is that even a word?), something inside my gut, says I don’t belong here. I fight that feeling when I’m in DC, though. It is a beautiful city with a lot of promise, but it is not for me. Take a look at one of the pictures below, and you will see, where my heart inquires for. I still want to remain on the MH Research path. There are many things that are the same about me, and yet there are some things that aren’t.
This may seem like a internal, cyclical argument, but marketing myself and rediscovering my assertiveness has been on the front burner. It’s not that I am a bitch now. I just have found that being that humble and demure person in the background, doesn’t get me anywhere I deserve to be. 26 years old. It’s taken me this long to discover the reason why I work as hard as I work when I dedicate myself to something/someone/a cause. That’s pretty tragic, but a fact. Where will I be 24 years from now?
Below are some pictures. I’ve been sketching a bit more than picture taking. Before I post them, I wanted to post this excerpt from Steve Mirsky’s article from Scientific American’s November 2006 issue, titled “Uncommon Scents”. Witty stuff, and you know I like witty stuff. =) After informing his readers that Derek “Dopey” Jeter was going to put out a new fragrance, he “recommended” some colognes/perfumes that some scientists could invent/market.
“Leonardo da Vinci’s Invention
Ingredients (written backward on label): Oil-based pigment.
Slogan: Leave a lady smiling.”
“Socrates’ Philosophy
Ingredients: Olive oil, feta cheese, traces of hemlock.
Slogan: You fill me with…questions.”
“Ludwig Wittgenstein’s Logic
Ingredient: Silence.
Slogan: For when you don’t have the words to say the things you mean.”
=)
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