fell down.  Time to pick it back up. 

29 years old and I don’t feel older or younger or wiser…just more wrinkly.  NYC was good; interviews went well.  Let’s see what can happen.  Here, it’s time to remedy some things…

- Jennie

    I think a lot.  I actually think a whooole lot.  Now, it’s not the point of it being clinical or in need of Rx.  There are only a handful of things which help me to turn off the thinking and to appreciate the “now”; photography, cooking/baking, beaches or anything in which remind you that you are just a speck of sand or a rock on this planet, museums, and a pure cup of coffee.

    So there I was sitting at 1650 for a 1700 Saturday church service, staring at the altar in front of me.  These days while I am attempting my move and work and classes and etc., I’ve found I need to learn how to just not think about all that I’m not doing or have yet to do for all those things that make me who I am or who I want to be.  So sitting in church, to me, is about community and helping/healing those around you.  The concept of the Eucharist was brought up and the miracle of the multiplication of loaves and fish.  I sat there wondering why I do the good I do.  Is it selfish to do good because you don’t want the non-good returned?  And then I sat there thinking that I do a lot of things, never knowing the genuine reason for why I do them. 

    Isn’t this the concept of k.a.r.m.a.?!  That is not a Christian way of thinking right?  We should give because we are given the skills to give.  In other words, show up to the party ready to dance.  Or in other other words, K.I.S.S.

    I actually enjoyed the homily today because my priest talked about more controversial stuff.  At that moment, I felt the urge to raise my hand and ask a question.  I ALWAYS get into trouble for doing that too.  Geez.  Some things DON’T change…

    So I was reading through some of my old entries.  Gosh.  SOOO EMOOOOOO.  Some things really DO change; it’s like the Force.  Harness; control; focus.  Use wisely.  Rambling now.  Had an interesting discussion with my ‘rents today.  Must not forget it.  MUST NOT.

    Soooo, I am going to NYC at the end of this upcoming week.  Need to buy some clothing tomorrow.  Some travel items.  Cross fingers.  I’ll leave with this:  http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/.  Disturbing view into a life without a catalyst.  Shows you much being a troublemaker is a GOOD thing! 

I knew I was going to spell her name wrong.  Geez.  It was like an hour before lunchtime and I had nothing for breakfast (brain carbed-starved) and instead of spelling a NYC employer’s contact name correctly, I spell it like how goat cheese sounds in Indian food. PUUURE brilliance.

So during my 15 minute lunch as I was stuffing my mouth with the best salad I’ve made from the cafeteria’s salad bar (seriously, it was the best in all of my 2.6 years of working there), I read this article: http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/07/17/gen.y.breast.cancer/index.html. 

I am a strong supporter of breast cancer awareness.  The Susan G. Komen for the Cure is one charity that I have supported in a multitude of ways.  Bright Pink too.  Awesome.  I hope to do something like that for mental health issues in 6 years.  I’m giving myself 6 years.  After reading this article though, I was a bit disturbed with the tight grip on “control”.

Having a handful of friends who work in Genetics, I’ve had some enlightening discussions on the bio-ethical issues that are difficult to talk about with various diseases like Sickle Cell or the rare ones like Pompeii’s or NAGs Deficiency UCD.  With where the American health-care system is veering towards, ignorance is no longer bliss.  With super-expensive genetic tests out there now (let’s not delve into the whole public health availability there due to the costs), we can find out if a potential partner also has the sickle cell trait.  If I have it, and he has it, well a child of ours will be born with the disease.  There is no question.  No roll of the “destiny dice”…

CNMC genetic counselors have a very difficult job.  I’ve heard of some hard situations where the whole emotion of love and a child being a living example of that love just shouldn’t be born into a life with weekly transfusions/infusions or just in all, a poor Quality of Life.  I’m finding myself more and more less feeling in these situations/just needing to find the result/choice that “hurts” the least.  Scary for me.  Case in point, I remember a situation where  I was volunteering at this nursing home during elementary school (?) and well, I saw this elderly woman sitting in wheel chair in a hallway.  Alone and self-dialoguing, I went up to her and started crying.  Now, that would not happen.  Maybe this is a good sign?

Statistical control.  Something elusive.  Something that might just make it easier to calm fears.  Science/Genetics:  something I’ve subscribed to for a minute now…

- Jenn

PS:  I STILL have not seen Transformers 2.  Dang it.  Perhaps I will try and fix that later today!

Wow like how 50% of a baby’s sleep is REM.  WOW. 

I’m back people.  Typing an entry now from an HP Netbook thanks to a broadband connection with Verizon.  I still don’t know what much else I can do with this thing.  Its entire purpose is for searching for that lifeline to that certain City That Never Sleeps.

There have been many changes in my life since the last entry.  ~ as EMO.  Lighter.  More focused.  Still working on the people-pleasing 1st thing.  I haven’t written in a looooong time.  Better get acrackin’.  I have been criticized for not finishing something I’ve started (i.e. my SmugMug account is gathering dust while housing giant GIANT spider-crabs).  I have a ton of photos and still even more, an itchy trigger finger dying to be exercised.  How this can exist in the same plane as my career/school/volunteer with SOME/training for an imaginary marathon, no one knows…

Anyways.  check back for updates.  This venue will be my stress reliever. 

- Jennie

PS:  Those new coconut M&Ms are pretty dang good.

I finally got it.

a year older.

as i was on the train heading back to union station for a half-day of clinical research,
it stopped at a train station to pick up fellow passengers.
i observed the slanted concrete platform leading to other tracks.
gray bricks and mortar.

fascinatingly enough though, these odd weeds broke through the mortar and bricks.
defiantly, they soaked up the morning sunshine.
persistence is for the strong, i suppose.
or is it for the fools?

i imagined the frustrated station maintenance people,
with one spray, the weeds would die.
something that persisted from a seed that was actually underneath the bricks and mortar,
gone with just one simple spray…

it’s a shame. people don’t like weeds.
not as photogenic as flowers i suppose.
they have no purpose living amongst the bricks at the train station.
i suppose persistence is for fools.

and mr. t, you can bet i’m not one either…

Aisle-seated on a train bound away from a beautiful union.
Friends engaged & new memories made…
Thoughts broken by the abruptness of girl seated quickly;
Macy’s bag thrown on the floor with a red long-stemmed rose inside.

“Is this train headed to Baltimore Penn Station?!”
3 hours into the ride from NYC and she asks now…
There is a hint of hurt and quickness in her voice.
“Yes it is,” I answer softly. The next stop is hers.

As she leaves the train, her rose drops from her bag and onto the floor.
A man picks it up and attempts to shout, but does not get up.
Something told me that it was more than just a rose to her.
So I ran and grabbed it from the seated man.

“EXCUSE ME!”
I run down the aisle, praying the train does not pull away from the station.
Luckily I see her steps away from the train exit and 1/2-way in/out I poke her on the shoulder.
“You dropped your rose!”

“Thank you. My grandfather’s burial was this weekend.”
“I am sorry to hear that.”
Long-stemmed with no thorns, and a deep red.
The rose’s weight must of matched her heart.

And I immediately thought of my grandfathers…
I needed that.

So as 2007 leaves out the door, 2008 bumps into him and says, “you no longer have that new car smell.”

A pattern has set in I suppose.  “GCRC.  Work-out.  Family.  Sleep.”  Repeat this 5 times a week with PRN-doses of planning for where I will be next year, and VOILA, you’ve got my life for 2007.  Good friends saw my home, and perhaps, understood a bit more of the picture I am.  Both my way of thinking and approach to life, have changed.  My skills in photography have improved, while my writing skills have faltered.  I’ve learned to love wheat and all things organic (except cheese…I still love my dirty sharp cheddar); I’ve even thought about becoming a vegetarian.  Love has knocked on my door only briefly.  I’ve become more focused with what I want to do with my life; CNMC/GCRC/etc. is fun.  All these mundane things, add up to my life here in Fort Washington, MD/DC. 

I wonder what 2008 holds for me. 

BTW, everyone should read the book I’m currently reading.  This and, Alicia Key’s new album is one of her finest yet; I HIGHLY recommend it. 

Hello everyone.  I haven’t updated in quite awhile.  There is quite a bit to say I suppose.

Grandfathers’ passings passed.  It’s amazing how strong people’s imprints can be/are.  I am constantly amazed at that.  While my mother and father have taught me the vital lesson that I cannot “look up” or admire someone without question, these two men in my life, sure came close to it. 

I have been put in charge of Thanksgiving this year.  My mom chose Christmas to do, because of her Disability court date (being so soon).  It boggles my mind, why would the court chose a date in the holiday season.  Sage shortbread, cornbread, squash & cannenelli bean soup, two small teeny turkeys, crab chard casserole, sun-dried mashed potatoes, Guamanian stuffing, zucchini salad, butternut squash polenta, honey pecan pumpkin pie, and apple crisp round off the menu.  I have to begin tonight.  I’ll take pix and post on Smugmug.

My trip to Las Vegas was a few weeks ago.  It was fun, but like the first time, I realized Las Vegas is all about the illusion.  I have pix of that trip too (should be posted on Smugmug).

TM01 should be visiting me next week.  I already picked out a Thai restaurant.  =)

New Years?

Thank GOSH I’m studying my vocab for the GRRRREeeee…

Anyways, nothing new on this end.  Classes start soon.  No drama adds up to no excitement on Friday nights.  I hope TM#01 visits me in Oct. though.  =)

BTW, season 02 of R.C. is very sick.  I wonder if that makes me sick too.