I think a lot.  I actually think a whooole lot.  Now, it’s not the point of it being clinical or in need of Rx.  There are only a handful of things which help me to turn off the thinking and to appreciate the “now”; photography, cooking/baking, beaches or anything in which remind you that you are just a speck of sand or a rock on this planet, museums, and a pure cup of coffee.

    So there I was sitting at 1650 for a 1700 Saturday church service, staring at the altar in front of me.  These days while I am attempting my move and work and classes and etc., I’ve found I need to learn how to just not think about all that I’m not doing or have yet to do for all those things that make me who I am or who I want to be.  So sitting in church, to me, is about community and helping/healing those around you.  The concept of the Eucharist was brought up and the miracle of the multiplication of loaves and fish.  I sat there wondering why I do the good I do.  Is it selfish to do good because you don’t want the non-good returned?  And then I sat there thinking that I do a lot of things, never knowing the genuine reason for why I do them. 

    Isn’t this the concept of k.a.r.m.a.?!  That is not a Christian way of thinking right?  We should give because we are given the skills to give.  In other words, show up to the party ready to dance.  Or in other other words, K.I.S.S.

    I actually enjoyed the homily today because my priest talked about more controversial stuff.  At that moment, I felt the urge to raise my hand and ask a question.  I ALWAYS get into trouble for doing that too.  Geez.  Some things DON’T change…

    So I was reading through some of my old entries.  Gosh.  SOOO EMOOOOOO.  Some things really DO change; it’s like the Force.  Harness; control; focus.  Use wisely.  Rambling now.  Had an interesting discussion with my ‘rents today.  Must not forget it.  MUST NOT.

    Soooo, I am going to NYC at the end of this upcoming week.  Need to buy some clothing tomorrow.  Some travel items.  Cross fingers.  I’ll leave with this:  http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/.  Disturbing view into a life without a catalyst.  Shows you much being a troublemaker is a GOOD thing! 

I knew I was going to spell her name wrong.  Geez.  It was like an hour before lunchtime and I had nothing for breakfast (brain carbed-starved) and instead of spelling a NYC employer’s contact name correctly, I spell it like how goat cheese sounds in Indian food. PUUURE brilliance.

So during my 15 minute lunch as I was stuffing my mouth with the best salad I’ve made from the cafeteria’s salad bar (seriously, it was the best in all of my 2.6 years of working there), I read this article: http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/07/17/gen.y.breast.cancer/index.html. 

I am a strong supporter of breast cancer awareness.  The Susan G. Komen for the Cure is one charity that I have supported in a multitude of ways.  Bright Pink too.  Awesome.  I hope to do something like that for mental health issues in 6 years.  I’m giving myself 6 years.  After reading this article though, I was a bit disturbed with the tight grip on “control”.

Having a handful of friends who work in Genetics, I’ve had some enlightening discussions on the bio-ethical issues that are difficult to talk about with various diseases like Sickle Cell or the rare ones like Pompeii’s or NAGs Deficiency UCD.  With where the American health-care system is veering towards, ignorance is no longer bliss.  With super-expensive genetic tests out there now (let’s not delve into the whole public health availability there due to the costs), we can find out if a potential partner also has the sickle cell trait.  If I have it, and he has it, well a child of ours will be born with the disease.  There is no question.  No roll of the “destiny dice”…

CNMC genetic counselors have a very difficult job.  I’ve heard of some hard situations where the whole emotion of love and a child being a living example of that love just shouldn’t be born into a life with weekly transfusions/infusions or just in all, a poor Quality of Life.  I’m finding myself more and more less feeling in these situations/just needing to find the result/choice that “hurts” the least.  Scary for me.  Case in point, I remember a situation where  I was volunteering at this nursing home during elementary school (?) and well, I saw this elderly woman sitting in wheel chair in a hallway.  Alone and self-dialoguing, I went up to her and started crying.  Now, that would not happen.  Maybe this is a good sign?

Statistical control.  Something elusive.  Something that might just make it easier to calm fears.  Science/Genetics:  something I’ve subscribed to for a minute now…

- Jenn

PS:  I STILL have not seen Transformers 2.  Dang it.  Perhaps I will try and fix that later today!

Wow like how 50% of a baby’s sleep is REM.  WOW. 

I’m back people.  Typing an entry now from an HP Netbook thanks to a broadband connection with Verizon.  I still don’t know what much else I can do with this thing.  Its entire purpose is for searching for that lifeline to that certain City That Never Sleeps.

There have been many changes in my life since the last entry.  ~ as EMO.  Lighter.  More focused.  Still working on the people-pleasing 1st thing.  I haven’t written in a looooong time.  Better get acrackin’.  I have been criticized for not finishing something I’ve started (i.e. my SmugMug account is gathering dust while housing giant GIANT spider-crabs).  I have a ton of photos and still even more, an itchy trigger finger dying to be exercised.  How this can exist in the same plane as my career/school/volunteer with SOME/training for an imaginary marathon, no one knows…

Anyways.  check back for updates.  This venue will be my stress reliever. 

- Jennie

PS:  Those new coconut M&Ms are pretty dang good.